Expressing Anger and Resolving Conflict
A. Anger
Anger, also known as wrath or rage, is an intense emotional state involving a strong uncomfortable, and non-cooperative response to a perceived provocation, hurt, or threat. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion. However, when anger becomes out of control, aggressive or constant, it may interfere with your personal relationship and other aspects of your life. It's important to be aware of your anger and how it may affect your and those around you.
Anger can be expressed in many ways; different types of anger affect people differently and can manifest to produce different actions and signs of anger. The most common signs of anger are both verbal and non-verbal. It can be clear that somebody is angry from what they say or how they say it, or from their tone of voice. Anger can also be expressed through body language and other non-verbal cues: trying to look physically bigger (and therefore more intimidating), staring, frowning and clenching of fists. Some people are very good at internalising their anger and it may be difficult to notice any physical signs. It is, however, unusual for an actual physical attack to transpire without ‘warning’ signs appearing first.
The following situation will make people angry.
1. Breaking a promise.
2. Lying
3. Interfering in personal matters.
4. Breaking confidence.
5. Taking something without permission
6. Being insulting
7. falling to apologize.
8. falling to speak in passing.
9. Falling to thank someone.
10. falling to return invitations.
Expressions: Anger
Formal
• This is extremely irritating
• I can’t say that I’m at all pleased …
• I am very angry about it
• I am extremely displeased about this…
• am not pleased at all about this
• I am never been so insulted in my life
• I must say I reject to I will not pull up with
• I take great exception to …
Informal
• Oh, hell, No!
• Oh damn!
• Oh no, what’s the next?
• What displeasure!
• Oh No!
• She makes me mad/angry.
• What a nuisance!
• I really hate him!
• I can’t stand it anymore.
• I can’t bear it
• I’m very annoyed …
• I’m fed up with this.
• This really makes me cross/angry.
• I’ve had just about enough of this condition.
• It annoys me.
• It isn’t very nice/ pleasant.
• You burn me up
• You are getting me angry
• You really make me see red.
Example of dialogues:
Rudi : Are you angry with someone?
Shinta : Yes. I’m really disappointed with Naila.
Rudi : Why? Did she insult you again?
Shinta : She makes me angry! She mocked my mother, she says that my mother is ugly.
Rudi : Oh damn! She said that?
Shanti : Yes absolutely. I can not stand with this situation!
Rudi : All right, let’s go meet her.
Asking the state of someone who seems angry.
When you see the look on your friend's angry face, you will want to know what caused him to be angry. for that, you need to ask her condition. Here are a few words to ask about someone who seems angry.
• What’s the matter?
• What’s wrong?
What’s your problem?
• What do you look so insulted about?
• Did she insult you?
• Are you angry about something?
• Are you angry with me?
• Are you angry with someone?
• What happened?
• Why do you look so angry?
How to relax someone who’s angry
Some people are just slightly angry and others are uncontrollably angry. However, it’s sometimes worth taking an effort to get them relaxed. Here are some expressions you can consider.
• Calm down
• Cool down
• Keep it down
• Take it easy
• Chill out
• Just relax
• Don’t take it too serious
• I know it must be difficult
• I understand how you feel
When you see the look on your friend's angry face, you will want to know what caused him to be angry. for that, you need to ask her condition. Here are a few words to ask about someone who seems angry.
• What’s the matter?
• What’s wrong?
What’s your problem?
• What do you look so insulted about?
• Did she insult you?
• Are you angry about something?
• Are you angry with me?
• Are you angry with someone?
• What happened?
• Why do you look so angry?
How to relax someone who’s angry
Some people are just slightly angry and others are uncontrollably angry. However, it’s sometimes worth taking an effort to get them relaxed. Here are some expressions you can consider.
• Calm down
• Cool down
• Keep it down
• Take it easy
• Chill out
• Just relax
• Don’t take it too serious
• I know it must be difficult
• I understand how you feel
B. Resolving Conflict
In everyday life, both with family and at work, it is natural to have differences of opinion or to feel hurt by the words or actions of someone close to us. To make a difference, however, it is important to be aware of how we handle difficulties and how the lessons we learn can become a treasure.
Often, the first path we want to take is that of a fit of anger or an escape, but neither reaction is appropriate. If exaggerated reactions lead to unpleasant consequences, not resolving conflicts with others leads to an aggravation of the situation and a breakdown in relationships. To avoid this, do not let too much time pass before acting and follow these minor precautions:
• Do not react impulsively.
If you realize that you are about to lose your patience, it is better to move away and face the situation later, after you have released your anger and can control it better.
• Try to look at the situation objectively.
It is not easy to look at a situation through the eyes of the person in front of us, especially if they have hurt our feelings. Instead, try to discover what happened and analyse it with a cool head while trying to consider it from as many angles as possible.
• Show empathy.
Far from having to agree with those that you do not, showing empathy means that you express understanding of the feelings of others. This favours constructive communication.
• Show that you are willing to admit your mistakes.
It may not be easy to admit, but, usually, not only one side in a disagreement is correct. You must be prepared to admit your errors, even when it is not easy.
• Be assertive.
Learn how to present your reasons calmly and clearly at the same time. Express your feelings and instead of pointing with your finger, talk about yourself, how you feel, and why you feel that way.
• Listen.
Far from limiting yourself to speaking alone, be prepared to listen to the other’s reasons and, if possible, to admit a change of perspective.
In everyday life, both with family and at work, it is natural to have differences of opinion or to feel hurt by the words or actions of someone close to us. To make a difference, however, it is important to be aware of how we handle difficulties and how the lessons we learn can become a treasure.
Often, the first path we want to take is that of a fit of anger or an escape, but neither reaction is appropriate. If exaggerated reactions lead to unpleasant consequences, not resolving conflicts with others leads to an aggravation of the situation and a breakdown in relationships. To avoid this, do not let too much time pass before acting and follow these minor precautions:
• Do not react impulsively.
If you realize that you are about to lose your patience, it is better to move away and face the situation later, after you have released your anger and can control it better.
• Try to look at the situation objectively.
It is not easy to look at a situation through the eyes of the person in front of us, especially if they have hurt our feelings. Instead, try to discover what happened and analyse it with a cool head while trying to consider it from as many angles as possible.
• Show empathy.
Far from having to agree with those that you do not, showing empathy means that you express understanding of the feelings of others. This favours constructive communication.
• Show that you are willing to admit your mistakes.
It may not be easy to admit, but, usually, not only one side in a disagreement is correct. You must be prepared to admit your errors, even when it is not easy.
• Be assertive.
Learn how to present your reasons calmly and clearly at the same time. Express your feelings and instead of pointing with your finger, talk about yourself, how you feel, and why you feel that way.
• Listen.
Far from limiting yourself to speaking alone, be prepared to listen to the other’s reasons and, if possible, to admit a change of perspective.
When there is a conflict, the best thing to do is try to resolve it so that the relationship remains good. some people avoid discussing conflict. The others got angry on their own. There is no reaction to resolve the conflict. Here are the steps to resolve the conflict:
1. Apologize. This involves accepting responsibility for the breach. Apology is often the best response to an expression of anger and, if sincere, will help calm the other person who will accept it.
2. Offer to discuss the issue. If someone is angry with you, but you don't know why the best thing to do is ask: "Sorry, you are angry, but I don't understand why. Please, let's discuss it calmly."
3. Find a mediator. If you "burst out" with a friend, you may be able to get your friend to intercede with the angry person. He can discuss the dispute and then bring the two of you together again.
1. Apologize. This involves accepting responsibility for the breach. Apology is often the best response to an expression of anger and, if sincere, will help calm the other person who will accept it.
2. Offer to discuss the issue. If someone is angry with you, but you don't know why the best thing to do is ask: "Sorry, you are angry, but I don't understand why. Please, let's discuss it calmly."
3. Find a mediator. If you "burst out" with a friend, you may be able to get your friend to intercede with the angry person. He can discuss the dispute and then bring the two of you together again.
Expressions: Resolving Conflict
Formal
• I’d like to discuss this metter.
• Can we discuss this
• Please, let’s discuss this
Informal
• Don’t be angry. Let’s talk it over
• Come on. Don’t be mad
Response
• That would be a good idea
• Yes, let’s
Let’s look at some sentences in English that are assertive, respectful, and appropriate for resolving conflicts, both in your private and professional life.
a. Showing empathy…
I understand the way you feel, but…
I am really sorry you feel this way, but I didn’t mean that…
I see your point, but…
b. Admitting your mistakes…
I am sorry if I was misunderstood.
I am sorry for not expressing myself in the right way.
c. Being assertive…
I felt bad because…
Honestly, I didn’t expect you to act in that way.
I was hurt by what you said.
The following are some practice questions about expressing anger and resolving conflict:
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfK3c-HfpopHMVQmc3-vpyXk3b3PbnHQ2WFpU7HkVPqEVjmpA/viewform
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